An Easter Dilemma

This morning, I attended the Sunday service at Victory Christian Fellowship (at St. Thomas Square) which I consider my second home. Having been exposed to a new religion, a new way of life and a new set of doctrines about God and life, I became the person I didn’t imagine myself could be after just a few months of attending the prayer-worship services every Sunday at VCF. For those who do not know or have not heard about VCF, it’s actually one of the many sects of the religion Born Again Christian (although they prefer it to be called it a new way of life rather than a religion). You see, my boyfriend was the one who influenced me to become a Christian. And yes, I thank him deeply for that. Ever since I became a Christian, I learned to pray, worship God, make friends with other people, have the right disposition in life and most of all, put my whole faith in God. The reason why I brought this up is not because it’s Easter Sunday today nor do I just feel like being “holy” for the day. Well, the true reason is because, I’m having a dilemma.

After the service, I talked to my small group leader and asked her about her opinion on relationships (boyfriend-girlfriend). I was rather surprised when she said that she’s not yet ready nor was she thinking of having a boyfriend at the moment. Suddenly, my mind led me to thinking that she might be conservative and indeed, she is. Ok, not that I’m trying to mock her or insult her on being conservative but I was just not expecting that her view of marriage and relationships is very different from what I have known since I stepped at the legal age. She said that she plans to get married at the age of thirty (which pretty much is the same age I also prefer to get married) but she doesn’t plan to be in a relationship anytime soon. She’s only twenty-four which means that she still has six years of being single. However, what she meant by being single is quite literal---not being in a relationship at all for the next six years of her life. No boyfriends/ flings whatsoever. She only plans to have a boyfriend six months before her wedding which means that when she would finally decide to have a boyfriend, they should immediately get engaged and then get married right after six months. Now the problem here is, upon hearing that, it confused me because I already have a boyfriend a month before I became a Christian and I don’t know if it’s right to have a boyfriend even though you don’t plan to get married after 6 months, nor after a year or two. They say it’s advisable to remain single unless you already want to get married anytime soon. The explanation here is because being in a long term relationship (say in my case, six years, because my boyfriend and I plan to get married after six years) is that there’s a higher chance of you committing sin or being tempted by the devil to commit a sin related to sex if you’re in a long term relationship. I’m not sure if I explained that clearly but basically, that was the very essence of my dilemma. They said that most likely, God will tell me if my current boyfriend is already the person He really wants me to spend the rest of my life with, but I should also be open to the possibility that he might not yet be the one. Right now, I’m still confused but I’m not worried at all not because I don’t love my boyfriend (I do love him with all my heart…) but because I’m already leaving it up to God. For sure, he knows what is best for me and my boyfriend.

However, I just have one wish. That God will let me continue loving this very special person I have in my life right now. Yes, he might just be God’s instrument so I would become a Christian. He might just be God’s messenger so I would finally be awakened and start building a relationship with God. But, honestly… deep in my heart, I feel that he is the person whom God really wants me to share my life with.